Wobbegong

You know what I mean?

Hello friends!

It’s your ol pal Randy Fuckface here with a fresh bucket of warm news.

I write to you from the West to Southwesterly Coastal Corner of my home town of Australia, where this very morning I was fortunate enough to espy a Wobbegong pup in the shallows. If you know not of the Wobbegong, research them in your own free time, you didn’t come here for Wobbegong pleasantries. I don’t recall you signing up for a goddamn Wobbegong Substack! If you wanted to know about Wobbegongs, you would have goddamn asked about goddamn Wobbegongs! You came here for one thing and one thing only: You wants yourself some sweet news. Well here tis:

MERCHFACE
In honour of the number of folks requesting online-exclusive merch - I’ve made you a long sleeve t-shirt. I really like it. So much so that I plan on breaking my never-wear-your-own-merch rule to sport one of these whilst rollerblading in Santa Monica. BUT! I’m only doing a limited run of these shirts to start with, I’m not going to announce them on socials ‘til next week, so get in early with a pre-order and you’ll be the envy of everyone you’ve ever met in your entire life.

ALSO! If you buy one of these new ones, when you click through to check out it’ll offer you last year’s tour shirt for the financially-damaging discounted price of US$15. Go on. Dance on my over-stocked grave.

TOURFACE
I’m taking First Banana back on the road in a month! Genuinely can’t wait. The final US leg is selling pretty quick, and the AU/NZ tour is selling wildly fast. I’ve added extra shows in Perth and Brisbane, get ‘em while they’re tasty.

ALSO! I’ve decided to shoot this show as a special while I’m in the US, so I’m adding one extra city to the tour and I’ll be officially announcing the filming date and location late next week.

Might be Brooklyn, might not.

It’s Brooklyn.

PAID SUB EXCLUSIVES
I have some tasty treats for my paid subscribers juuuuust after the below paywall… but to all my unpaid subscribers, know this: I appreciate you, I care about you, I am eternally grateful for you, and you’re not missing out on much. Just free shit and the chance to be involved in a new project I’m working on. And a picture of a Wobbegong to save you the trouble of googling it. But mostly nothing.

I love you all equally.